Why are so many of our children depressed, drugged, and disillusioned?
Here is the answer: We’re teaching them to be that way.
Not on purpose, of course. But the result is still the same, no matter how much we love our kids.
As the father of a 5 year old boy, this is a topic that is close to my heart.
What I’ve observed and learned over the past couple of years is that the core problem is that human beings are addicted to MORE.
Why IS it that human beings are so driven to crave MORE — of everything?
Think about it – whether we say it or not, we’re wired to believe that more is better.
Bigger. Faster. Stronger. Longer. Higher.
Whatever you have right now, there’s a better one somewhere.
But, as a rotund television psychologist likes to say, “how’s that working for ya?”
- > We have more food options and nutritional information available than ever before, but obesity is at an all time record high (not just for people, but for pets too!)
- > The average size of homes has risen for decades, yet the actual size of households is shrinking (and that space needs to be filled – so let’s buy more stuff!)
- > The average price of a vehicle is rising, even through the latest downturn (shouldn’t they be getting cheaper with technology, improvements, etc.?)
- > A US study done a few years ago shows that the average American has 0.8 close friends in which they can confide. In case you’re weak on numbers, that means the average person doesn’t even have 1 close friend. No wonder people are lonely and depression is skyrocketing!
I’ve spend a lot of time in the last couple of years pondering this – wondering what IS it that drives humans to constantly want MORE?
Here’s what I believe are the 3 major drivers of wanting more:
1. The human desire to achieve and excel
God bless us all – we’re pretty much all wired with an instinctual sense of survival and to crave security and safety. In the “good old days” if you weren’t driven to find food and basic things, you would die. So I believe we were all given this internal gift of wanting to ensure we would be able to survive. But not only that – most people also have an internal need to grow and learn. And this inner sense of wanting to “be better” feeds the desire of wanting more.
2. Well crafted marketing founded in psychology
Picking up where our basic human drives leave off, the world of business and government is happy to have “cracked the code” of what causes people to “want” — and they’ve been able to master the art of not only identifying what people want, but influencing it and actually creating desire where none actually existed to begin with. Any decent marketing today is integrating multiple psychological “triggers” and effects, at several different layers. The average person has no hope trying to resist or avoid being pulled into the “more machine”.
3. A crisis of self-worth and esteem where people try to fill themselves with “stuff”
This is really the killer – the one that I think is pushing more people than ever before into the abyss of feeling inadequate. Unfulfilled. Disillusioned. Unhappy. Lonely. Confused.
We feel pressured to compete with the Joneses. I’m dreading the day my 5 year old comes home and says he needs a new backpack or lunch box because “so and so” at school just got one and he needs one too.
With the blizzard of technology, marketing messages, stresses, fears and anxieties filling most people’s days, it’s become very difficult to feel calm and peaceful.
And if you ask me, social media is the BIGGEST driver of this for most people.
What we’ve done is substituted looking into people’s eyes and having real conversations with posting on Facebook about how great our life is, how blessed we are, and how wonderful it is to be alive.
What a bunch of bullshit.
We like to tell ourselves that social media “helps us keep in touch”.
But the flipside is, it also allows people to portray a completely inaccurate and false picture of who they are, and what their life is really like.
And then everyone else sees everyone else is so happy and joyous, and they feel like they’re a failure.
So it becomes a competition of “my life is so much more blessed and better than yours”.
I believe that social media is the single biggest reason that people feel MORE disconnected from other human beings than ever in our history.
Don’t agree with me?
Here’s what a recent Time Magazine poll revealed about social media:
> 60% of Time poll respondents say that they feel worse after using social media.
This is likely because we look at how shiny and happy other people are, and wonder “what’s wrong with me?”
> 76% believe others make themselves appear happier, more attractive and more successful than they really are
Does anyone not feel this way? My personal belief is that the more you emphasize how blessed and happy you are on Facebook, the more depressed you really are in reality.
> Since 2004 the number of Americans who consider themselves ‘optimistic’ has dropped from 74% to 50%
Kind of ironic that Facebook started in 2004, no? I’m not saying it’s all Facebook’s fault (just a lot of it)
> 20% of people suffer a mood disorder in their life, 30% an anxiety disorder. And 25% of women and 5% of men are taking anti-depressants.
WTF? 1/4 of ALL women are on anti-depressants (most of which have been invented in the last decade or two). And there are likely a lot more men, they’re just too manly to admit it.
It’s all rather depressing, isn’t it? I apologize for contributing to these statistics with all this negative thinking.
Actually, no I don’t.
Because if we don’t talk about this stuff, nothing will ever change.
It will just get worse. And the pharmaceuticals and others will get even richer.
So what the hell do you do about it?
Now that I’ve outlined a bit of the challenge we have as a human race, I believe there are things you can do to start healing this addiction to more.
I don’t want to make this article into a book, so I’ll be brief with some of the steps I took — and
if you’re interested in hearing more about this, leave a comment below and let me know.
For the past several months, I’ve been experimenting with several different tweaks to my life, and the results have been pretty encouraging.
Here are some of the things I’ve done which I’ve found powerful – and I’d encourage you to think about doing the same.
1. Take Your Watch Off
Several months ago, after being a dedicated wearer of a watch for decades, it occurred to me that if I removed my watch, I’d feel less pressured. It was kind of an odd thought at the time, because I couldn’t imagine my life without a watch.
What really drove me to do it was that I decided I wanted to start tracking my physical activity and sleep patterns.
(for anyone interested I now wear a Jawbone UP 24 hours a day).
And it wasn’t practical to wear an activity tracker and a watch at the same time. I don’t need more jewelry than Mr. T. So the watch went onto my closet shelf.
At the beginning it was tough, because I had never realized how addicted to “the time” I had really become. But within a couple of days, suddenly I wasn’t constantly looking at my wrist, wondering what time it was.
And I can tell you, my level of anxiety and stress literally dropped – simply because I removed the watch. I spent less time thinking about the future – the next hour, later today, etc. I found myself spending more time in the moment.
I still had my iPhone with me, so I could check the time when I needed to. But I would say I check the time each day about 90% less than I used to.
Sounds silly, but it’s been liberating.
What’s also interesting is that I shared this little nugget of “de-stressing” with my personal mastermind group — and as I did that, I looked around and realized that 6 out of the 8 people at the table did not have a watch on. These are multi-million dollar business owners, very successful people.
That’s when I realized my idea wasn’t so crazy after all.
2. Start deleting people from your Facebook list
A few months ago, I had about 4,450 people on my Facebook friends list.
Most people are trying to get MORE friends – mostly because they think it makes them look more successful and “connected”.
What I realized was that I had never met more than 90% of the people on my friend list, and I never would.
I also realized that my newsfeed was jammed up with a bunch of crap from people that I didn’t know, and never would.
I started deleting Facebook friends.
Going from over 4,450, my list is now somewhere around 1,700. And shrinking.
At first it was hard because I felt “bad” I was unfriending people.
And then the absurdity of that actually hit me. Why do I feel bad that I am disconnecting from someone I’ve never communicated with, and that I don’t share much (if anything) in common?
My goal now is to get below 1,000 people on my Facebook friends list
(and I now decline about 97% of the requests I get. Nothing personal. Actually, that IS the reason – I have no personal connection or relationship with them.)
And one of the side benefits of doing this is now I see a LOT less stuff in my newsfeed, but what I DO see is from people I know, love and respect!
So I can now engage more with the people that have meaning and connection to me, allowing me to deepen those connections.
The only person who cares how many Facebook friends you have .. is YOU.
So stop it. Cut it out. Start trimming your Facebook list. It’s very empowering.
3. Stop adding, start replacing.
I’ll bet that in your closet, there are about 20% of the clothes that you’ve worn in the past 12 months.
80% of your clothes, you haven’t worn in at least a year (and likely even longer).
That’s because what most people do is keep buying clothes they think are going to look great. And when standing in a well lit changeroom at a hip store with cool music pumping .. somehow you feel cooler and think you look better.
Then you get home and wonder, “what the hell was I thinking when I bought this?”
Commit that from now on, any time you buy any consumer item – clothing, clothes, furniture, toys for your kid, etc. – you will remove one item from your life for every new item you intend to buy.
Stop building the inventory of crap.
Even that’s a big step for some people, because they hate getting rid of anything.
But that crap is occupying time and money. It takes up psychic space in your life.
If you REALLY want to do this properly, go into your closet and apply Pareto’s Principle.
Keep that 20% of the clothes you actually wear, and GET RID OF the other 80%.
Hell, you’re not wearing them anyway! You won’t miss them.
I know – this probably made your heart drop, thinking about getting rid of most of your clothes.
But if you took them into consignment, or donated them, you’d create massive space in your life.
And whether you like it or not, keeping all this extra crap is taking a toll on you.
Think about this: if you’re finding it difficult to let go of clothes you haven’t worn for years, what does that say about your addiction to stuff and more?
For me, this is an ongoing journey. I’ve culled a lot of my closet, but still have more to do.
But I can’t explain the satisfaction and joy that comes from looking at your closet and seeing this big swath of empty space there.
Being able to actually move your clothing on the hanger across and see each one without taking it off the hook, because they’re not jammed in like sardines.
Ay carumba. The “word counter” on this article is now over 2,000 words. So I gotta end this.
I hope you found some of these thoughts powerful, and even motivating enough for you to act on some of them.
I’m doing a TEDx talk on the subject of “The Myth Of More” so this stuff has been rolling around in my head for months.
I’d love to hear your comments and thoughts about what I’ve said — whether you agree or disagree, please leave a comment below!
And if I get a good response on this article, I’ll do some follow up ones and go into more detail on some of the thoughts I’ve covered.
Thanks for reading, please leave your message at the tone below.
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75 Responses
Years ago I stopped wearing a watch at a friend’s urging. She said I’d gain my own internal watch. I was skeptical. However, I then found that my internal clock IS extremely accruate. If I want to know the time I just ask myself. If I need to check a clock to confirm, 80%+ of the time I’m off by only 5-10 minutes, even if I haven’t checked in hours! I do have an iPhone and I often
set an alarm for things I need to be exactly on time for, such as events/appts.
Getting rid of clutter on the body is apart of cleaning out clutter/distractions/junk/blockages everywhere, inside the mind and outside.
Our internal clock is actually pretty amazing when you give it a chance to work. That’s been my experience as well!
Love it Greg. An excellent post on truly what is eating away at us. Thanks!
Well said… and GREAT reminders! Preach it!
Great post. SUddenly you come up with GEMS of insights. You should do more of these kind of posts (with a spiritual tinge..)
Does that mean my posts don’t normally have any insight? 🙂
Thanks Greg, I have followed you and your programs for years – and this is probably my fave article to date! Thank you! I actually find myself taking so many courses and doing so much, that I really haven’t taken as much action as I could have – so my first action was to deactivate my Facebook account and Pinterest accounts 2 weeks ago. Twitter – I only have key people on my notification list now and I will go through the closet today to donate many clothes to the donation bins. I also unsubscribed to many blogs and emails that I followed – it feels so good and like you mentioned – I have much more space now. Introducing rituals into my life a few years ago was huge too. A good book that some folks may really enjoy is A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, about being more present and just BEING, finding space. Okay, good luck to us all and Trim that fat! Keep ’em coming Greg!
Good stuff! Are aware of Andy Stanley’s recent Comparison Trap series? May add more perspective to this line of thought… http://yourmove.is/watch/comparison-trap/
I live a minimalist lifestyle and have followed these approaches for years. Here’s another way to clear stuff out of your life.
I keep an offsite storage unit and put things I am not using in it. Each item I place in storage gets a post-it note with the date it is added. Once a year I either sell give to charity everything that has been in storage for a year or longer. If I haven’t thought highly enough of an item in storage to go retrieve and use it then I don’t need it.
On the spiritual side, I recall an old Buddhist story about a man who was climbing a mountain to seek the guru at its pinnacle who would teach him the meaning of life. Along the way he kept accumulating things until he was so burdened he forgot the purpose of his climb and settled as a householder along the path. His accumulations had clouded his vision. It is the same way for an entrepreneur. If we get caught up in the distractions we forget what the tasks are at hand to perform and we end up failing.
I may not have the story exactly right, but the meaning is there. Life is simpler and can be followed with greater purpose if there are fewer distractions for our time and financial resources.
I’d say get rid of the offsite storage unit! Set up a little area in your basement or garage. I think it’s a great idea to put stuff aside and then see if you even miss it.
What a wonderful post. Duane and I just published our first book called Dance With The Elephant : Life’s Cosmic Equation. In the book we talk about the Elephants of Western society, one of the biggest of which is our need for “STUFF”. You have really hit the nail on the head here. Youth suicide is another spin off of all this that concerns us deeply.
Thanks for your great post and please continue to carry the torch!
Don and Duane
http://DanceWithTheElephant.us
Funny, we just had an amazing conversation with my 8 year old yesterday about this very thing. We were driving around when he spotted a Porsche Cayenne and said “oooohhhh, look at that Porsche!” I’ve never been a big car guy but his 9yr old playmate down the street is a huge fan, so I know that’s where he’s been getting it from. We asked him if he’d have the same reaction if the exact same vehicle had “Ford” on the back of it, and he said no, leading to a discussion of who’s thoughts were actually in his head, why he thought he wanted it, the psychology of marketing, etc. The Myth of More is a battle we are already fighting with our kids vs. societal pressures, and as adults we have to keep ever-vigilent ourselves. Thanks for the timely article Greg. I always loved how Wade Graham once phrased it: “Life is Best when Less is More and Simplicity is the Light on All Things Complex.”
Hey, let’s not give Graham any credit, we don’t want him thinking he’s clever or anything!
Ha! Fair enough. Consider it retracted 😉
I stopped wearing a watch years ago, and my life has been calm and peaceful
so what you said in the passage is so true, and it is good, that you have made a lot more readers aware of this simple thing you can do to change your ways in life, thanks Greg
Greg, This is one awesome article! I too have felt this way about Facebook, and over the past year all I have posted is positive quotes, articles, etc. Nothing about me and my life and what I am doing. Just things to empower people! And I also have not accepted everyone’s friend request. This has been very liberating for me. It is such a positive move forward to much more happiness. Sorry FB, nothing personal, but Greg is right on with this.
Good point, Greg. I agree with a lot of what you are saying. When my daughter (today a 40 year old wonderful young lady who is expecting our first grandson) came home with demanding some stuff because of “everybody has it” I asked her to name them. If she came up with two of her class mates, it was a lot… So, she didn’t get what ever she wanted.
What I am thinking why we have all these problems with wanting more and getting heavy and depressed in the process is that the human race lost its connection with the “Higher Power” or “God” or what ever you want to call it. We are a bunch of “lost souls” and therefore empty. We need to compensate this with eating more, buying more, wanting more – and the list goes on. Deep down we know that there is more to life then just what we see and others have. The downside of this realization is that we have to work through the problem to get in touch with our higher self to find the peace we are urging for. Who wants that? Most are actually afraid to face the fact, the reality, and deal with it. Lazy and scared brings us to the point where we have to satisfy our cravings with food, stuff and watching those shows on TV which I can’t handle longer then a couple of minutes to know that there is a button “off” I just have to press… Let’s pass it down to our next generation that life has to offer much, much more then stuff. Go outside and enjoy the beautiful colours of the fall season or any other season for the matter, get connected with nature again and discover how wonderful life actually is. Smile at people when passing them and they will return it. If you don’t have a back yard, go to a park, take off your shoes and enjoy the energy Mother Earth has to offer – for free! Get connected and enjoy life to the fullest! It is possible! AND you don’t need alcohol and drugs to do so…
To all Canadians, I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving!
I agree with you, Ms Walter, so many people have lost touch with their purpose in life. I’m glad I know mine and who gave it to me.
Thank you, Ruth Wright for your reply. What is also missing and therefore guides people to facebook and other social medias is the fact that the family value is disappearing. There are no more talks at the dinner table and the feeling to “belonging to someone” is gone. It doesn’t have to be that way if we spread the word and “remind” people how important these values are. My motto is: don’t ever give up! and I won’t… 🙂 for the next generation!
So true Greg, thank you for this post. Both my children were in grade one when they came home and said “everyone” had an iPod. I believe our kids today need more of many things – our presence and uninterrupted attention, simple playtime, hugs, the example of kind words and giving to others, and consistent displays and expression of gratitude. Our kids are growing up in such a complex world. They really need a solid foundation of love and the awareness of simple yet powerful contributors to happiness such as good relationships, meaningful experiences and contribution to others.
Awareness is where it all starts, thanks again Greg!
I LOVED the post Greg, and could not agree with you more. I have had this conversation more than once recently, where I find that while we are “more connected than ever” we are actually less connected than I have ever seen.
People are communicating by email and text message, and generally now in business I refuse to have “meaningful” conversations with anyone any other way than face to face – too much is lost in the translation otherwise.
A book I found a LONG time ago was by a woman named Elaine St. James – it was called The Simplicity Reader. She has a newer book out since then, and I would recommend it – it’s called Simplify Your Life: 100 Ways to Slow Down and Enjoy the Things That Really Matter http://amzn.to/GJIASz
I suspect you (and many of your readers) would enjoy this book :)) It likely talks a little less about technology, but touches on a few of the ideas you have shared here… one of my favorites:
Take a bunch of things off of your shelf that you have not used for a period of time and put them in a box (for instance your clothes). Put a date on the outside of the box but do NOT label it with the contents. After six months, discard the box without opening it (or donate it, just get rid of it without opening it).
Getting back to the simple life is the right path… and is more or less the opposite of where we seem to be heading as a society.
Thanks, as always, Greg for sharing!
Thank you, Mr. Habstritt for the valuable insights.
I stopped wearing a watch some time ago, and it’s quite nice. There are still plenty of ways to know what time it is for appointments.
Some time ago I also trimmed my clothing collection to just what I wear. Saves a lot of space. But I still need to take that same idea and apply it to other areas of my life and let go of the crap.
I’d very much like to read more of your ideas, even if the posts are more than 2000 words long. 😀 I also look forward to watching the TEDx talk.
I love this article!! I too stopped wearing a watch years ago for similar reasons to peoples posts below…. This article also makes me think of the AT&T commercial of the kids talking about wanting more!! This has been a joke with my daughter and boyfriend all summer and I said now look n be aware of every place MORE is said to be BETTER n we all SHOULD WANT MORE!!! What a joke…lastly it would seem if we could just remove the idea of more.. We would all be so much happier !! I’m working on less every day!! That is the real more; )
Thank Greg for your honesty n beautiful thoughts n words!!
For some one like me who just found out that I have ADD/ADHD this is what I call S.I.M.P.L.E. Success In Mind Purifies Life Effortlessly
This article to me is priceless because it acts like a treatment but the awesome thing Is that I don’t have to pay
As Dr Hallowell say “it is trait not disorder” now I see how you have helped to unwrap my gift
thank so much
Many of us don’t have one close friend because we accumulate aquaintances like “stuff” and think of them as friends. Uncluttering includes letting go of people/relationships that no longer serve us. Can you think of someone that you consider a “friend” who, when you are in their company, only bring you down and drain you of your energy? Maybe it’s time to shed that weight. I’ve done this twice in the last four years (so not a frequent activity). It was very difficult at first, I felt like a bad person. In hindsight, it was very refreshing and left me with more energy to build deeper relationships with people that enhance my life.
I really enjoyed your post, there are not enough people talking about this subject. Almost everything we see and hear on TV and other media’s is a smoke screen of things that don’t matter in our life.What is real is right in front of us and that’s why they call it the “real world”.
Hi Greg, I so concur with you. I’ve been meaning to clean out my closet for months now and I never seam to get to it. This was the little motivation I needed, so when I return on Tues (away for the long weekend), I’m going to take a before and after picture and commit to doing this. Thanks, Greg. Life is what we make it. Looking forward to your next post and I will share some of the little things I’m doing to release stress in my life. Creigh
This is an awesome piece, and so aligns with what my work is now…
I think people are deeply craving real relationships, with real people,
but don’t know how to do that anymore. It is far easier to fill the
closet, to stick with your point, full of new stuff (that makes us feel temporary happiness) than it is to build a deep relationship.
Real relationships have risk, there could be pain, and it could be very
real/serious pain, so it is much safer to stick to the relationships
without risk – resulting in zero meaningful relationships.
Even off social media, the friends we have ‘in real life’ tend to not be
deep, at all. I have had a few friendships with guys for over 20 years,
and we never have one time discussed anything deep or real.
So I think we are filling that relationship void with the stuff, with the
more… both physical stuff and digital stuff…. anything to keep our
minds distracted…
Great article, thanks!
PS – Do you have a link to the study about the 0.8 close friends?
Great post! A simple life brings us more time and opportunities to be connected with nature, where we can get all the answers we are looking for.
Thank you Greg! Looking forward to read more about this topic.
Hi Greg, Thank you for sharing this wisdom with us! I love this post and I’ll share it with many of my friends (real ones, not the ones in Facebook)… This is spiritual wisdom for me, keep sharing with us!!. Have an awesome day!
As a young student/entrepreneur I find this very eye opening and it was about time that we started to talk about this. Social media have their pros but they have big cons that mostly affect us and not the other people. I will definitely apply this more in my own life.
I would be interested in hearing more about other popular social network like Instagram; where most of the time some people get to post only how fabulous their life is but we don’t get the full picture.
Thank you again Greg happy thanks giving!
Great post, I have already removed my watch. I am a huge time watcher. Everything you say makes such perfect sense!! Thanks!
WOW, thank you for addressing what most just stammer about and not offer any solutions! I love the replacement policy and I’ll be implementing it this weekend as we recently moved and I did some culling while packing (and was able to donate 5 CONTRACTOR SIZED BAGS of clothes, coats, sheets, towels and blankets to Big Brothers/Big Sisters) but I think it’s time to really take a look at what’s in those closets (yes, more than 1) and get rid of the weight that’s just sitting there. I love getting your emails and hope to see more about destressing and getting a calmer sense of being!
Hi Greg,
I read the whole of your article. I realized a long time ago that ít is never enough from decorating my unit to buying material to sew, and immediately stopped. It felt good to be in charge of me.What your words brought home to me is that my “more” problem has been in buying programs that my ego decided I could need. This involves my pretending that I should know a lot of stuff that really isn’t me and a pure waste of my time and money and surely does not involve trusting the process of life if that makes sense. Your article has re-inspired me to delete a lot of stuff on my computer that I don’t have the time to listen to or read (even if I lived forever). I’d rather “look in people’s eyes”. Patricia .
Thank you Greg.
Hello where ever you are. I have not had a watch for more than 20 years and its is great to just be. Know what I am always on time for my appointments. Wonder how that happens. Great blog keep it up as more people need to understand these concepts. Betty
I think appreciation is a step you could add. Meditate on everything you have and appreciate it. Get to the feeling of I have everything I need and want. Anything more is just extra stuff that I really don’t need or want.
I was once asked, ” If I could give up everything I have for everything I want would I?” My reply was, “No because everything I have is everything I want, or I wouldn’t have it.”
Gratitude is definitely a powerful practice and habit. It’s really the mother of all happiness and progress.
Thank you for a very real post Greg! Stress and disillusionment are becoming rife and it is not just about wanting more but wanting it now….the quick fix! People turn to drugs (both “legal” and illegal), alcohol, credit cards to fill the void of the want – the want to feel “normal” – happy, relaxed and appearing wealthy. This is only normal in the media (both social and mainstream).
People have not only lost connection with others but with themselves. The sooner we start to focus on our own individuality, our own strengths and weaknesses, what brings joy to our heart and the people who honestly want to share that journey of discovery and growth, the sooner we will feel normal – our true selves.
Peel back the layers of stress creators in our life and we can be on our way to a sense of personal freedom and fulfilment, and at the end of the day isn’t that what life is all about?
Great stuff as usual, Greg. I’ve been doing energy work with a lady here in Kelowna. I tell ya, it’s some cooky stuff but it’s working. And that’s the whole point, right? I’m more relaxed, more in the moment, more in touch with my soul, my kiddos and my Man. I would really like to hear more. Love the watch idea! And not just because all my watch batteries are dead and that’s why I never wear one. 😉
True, to a point.
Facebook helps you stay connected with people you do not see often.
Less is more, to a point. Having lived in Europe half my life ( with tiny tiny apartments and houses ) I do prefer a large spacious home as opposed to a tiny one. Ditto, more expensive cars or hotel rooms are, on average , far better than cheap ones. Flying business class, on occasion, is vastly preferable to flying coach ! So, more is better, to a point !
The watch thing: yeah I did this years ago but hard to do if you have meetings with folks at a certain time.
I just finished a book where you wrote a nice foreword, so thank you for that. The question indeed is now: why grow ? The answer: it is human and because I can. But only if it is with less work and less stress. This assumes a large degree of delegation and trust.
Trust, of course, is developed face to face and not on Facebook ..
But the best thing is that many of us have a true choice to up- or downsize whereas many do not have this choice. For that, this being Thanksgiving, I am grateful.
Of course we can select certain elements and say there are positive sides to it. But the major point is that most people are pursuing more simply out of habit and unconscious desire.
I don’t see flying first class vs. coach as “more” – but rather different. To me, there’s a distinctive difference in the stress and anxiety level you enjoy flying first class. I believe that’s different than buying a $200,000 car vs. $100,000. You don’t get twice the benefit, and the anxiety and stress is higher – higher insurance, higher anxiety someone will scratch it, etc.
Facebook *can* help you stay in touch and connected with people you don’t see often – but can’t the telephone do that if it really matters to you?
And that’s the point. We use excuses like “we can keep in better touch”, but that’s not what most people are using Facebook for, most of the time.
wow I ‘ve been saying this for a few years re facebook. I have a page because someone set it up for me {my niece I think} My daughter dosent call and tell me whats going on with my grandkids Im suppose to go on FB. I have said I dont have the time for this but she states its only a few minutes well I ve tried that and— NOT. There is a list of people I dont know. Videos are on your page from someone else who thought you might ‘LIKE IT” Its like a web [pun intended} where if some one has the same initials as an actual friend they send you a friend request. I dont like the idea that others can see what someone is communicating to me. I guess I’m a dinosaur but I could see the potential problems coming with this social media. Im not so sure the benefits outweigh the problems. It has triggered horrible events including suicide. people are so addicted to it and I am on the “outs” with quite few people because I dont get involved in it. So it is as you say Greg creating the loneliness and depression and desire for more.
its amazing how having your own child alters your path by changing priorities. Unfortunately doesnt happen with enough parents who are determined to live vicariously thru their children and are determined to make sure their kids “have it all”. Very sad that in most cases these things are not even earned. Many kids today have such a feeling of entitlement.
I’m the first to admit I have to catch myself regularly from getting Cooper more things and better stuff, on the premise that “he deserves the best”. However, I’m a lot more conscious of it now, and I try to focus on experiences and memories as opposed to just more stuff.
In today’s world that’s hard to do with the constant marketing and suggestions he’s inundated with, even at 5.
The subject of “more” has been rolling around in my head for the past few months. You said everything, and more, that’s come to mind. Already have a pile of clothes going to the orphanage and spreading the word that others can contribute. I left one small storage room (pretty small) in Canada when I left to work overseas again. It holds all my treasures from my travels. And that’s it! As many memories are in that room, I believe I’ve come to the point where it would be okay if the building burned down. I’m not attached…. as I used to be. I’ve learned we aren’t our stuff!
Hi Greg, I truly appreciate this article. In fact, for months I have been mulling about deleting ‘friends’ on facebook too and living simply and learn to make the best out of what we have. Your article is really timely and yes, we should all get the word out. I have followed your work for quite a while as a subscriber but have never felt compelled to comment anything before but the issues in this article is close to my heart. Thank you for writing this all out and being an example in making a change.
Hi Greg,
I am not into the FB thing but I did start it for family and friends. But many people I know, even older people, are on it alot.
I was shocked, that people felt worse when they finished perusing FB. I was also shocked that it was “shiny competition”. really, I didn’t realize. What is the point?
It seems like a real waste of time unless it is for a business communication or true family friend connection.
Congrats on deleting some of your list, that must have taken some time!
I deleted one person to get him out of my life, and he is trying me on linkedin and twitter! This is Bizarre to me.
Regarding the hoarders, I know many hoarders and it just seems suffocating to me. I think the underlying problem is addiction to run from our pain.
Who Am I to say that, i know, but I can write this in a comment easier than a blog.
SO now it sounds like I dodged a couple of bullets so I will share my weakness, and I would love to see the statistics on it.
I cant organize! I have writen plan after plan….
Because of that, it has been almost impossible to make the changes I am always in the middle of. Any suggestions?
I guess it could be worse, I could be addicted to FB, phoniness and clutter too! Thank you for sharing Greg!
Awesome article, Greg. I too, have found out how little we truly need to be happy. I ditched my watch a long time ago, don’t even have a big clock on any of my walls at home. Hanging out in the mall does not add value in my day but an afternoon in a public park uplifts me! Katie Freiling has a nice u-tube clip titled “Do Talk to Strangers”. When I connect to the community, I realize that we have so much more in common than we have differences. Cheers to you!
Something I have found has lessened the stress level is stop listening to the news (at least more than once a day) and definitely stop listening to depressing stories on the radio I can do nothing whatever about.
I have also stopped giving time and energy to negative people or people who are merely “takers” Being a fellow Canuck I am always polite but I don’t allow them to moan on about things they have no intention of doing anything about, they just want to moan.
As far as kids and school…I was incredibly impressed by a video I ran across
http://www.ted.com/talks/stephen_ritz_a_teacher_growing_green_in_the_south_bronx.html
which shows what can be done for kids -even those who suffer from all sorts of issues – and perhaps brings kids to have something substantive to think and feel about other than clothes and image. School gardens in Australia apparently have found that kids with behavioral issues calmed down and focussed and in general had the same sort of change in outlook.
I agree that You Tube and social networks are feeding into a sense of isolation and inadequacy but it’s hard to be texting when you are planting a seed or harvesting. I think it’s not enough to find a negative, you need to have something positive to ease the negative to the side. For some at least, it’s a garden.
Great blog. I think you hit it on the head and what Ive been saying for a while now about disconnection. not only social media but texting also.
Amazing and liberating. As a psychotherapist (sorry) and forex trader and trader coach, the myth of more is alive and well as I see it in daily life (me too by the way). Narcissism, Cinderella Narcissism and other labels are worth looking up for the talk as there is some “stuff” underpinning the consumption (feelings of being empty etc as you rightly point out),
So, less is more, space is all there is anyway -figuratively and literally – get free of the physical stuff and the emotional stuff will heal.
Back to basics and really appreciating what we already have with an attitude of gratitude, along with contribution (give it to charity), being present and being glad in the present moment could be a success mantra.
Thank you, in the words of Eminem “I clearing out my closet” too. Bernadette
Great post Greg. Reminds me of something Oscar Wilde once said… “There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” – don’t know why i was reminded of it.
Thank you for this article. It made me laugh. I agree we don’t need more stuff but more time with our friends and family. It is a constant battle. I hear you are going to Dominican republic you may want to meet my friend Kyra at the ki- ra resort, very much like minded
Good luck
Gwen Le Bon ( Berkeley clinic London)
Hi Greg, this is a great post. It also reminds me that there is globally sufficiency for man’s need but not for man’s greed, as M. Gandhi put it. We all know that we are depleting the planet’s limited resources with a accelerating speed. We are having a party where our kids and grandkids are getting the hangover and paying the bill. If we really want to give our greatgrandkids a chance to enjoy all these great inventions of man and the beauty of the planet, we have to make radical changes to our mindset and life style.
Well said, thanks Greg.
I am so into this thought process right now I can’t even begin to tell you what a much happier, more content, relaxed and fulfilled life I live now I’ve become such a minimalist to the fact that I think the more you are addicted to the junk- the unhappier you are then you get addicted to really bad things to cover the sadness you are going thru at this time. Then addiction takes your life in a new not so fabulous life and then you clean up that mess. I realized the more I wanted and needed to network for my biz, the more I hated to be so connected to the world. Social media ruined life in general now where do we go from here?
All really good stuff. Thanks for the kick in the butt!
You nailed it Greg!
As the Buddha said, “Attachment is the root of all suffering.”. I like to say you are either in a version 1 state: Empowered by Circumstance or a version 2 state: Empowered despite Circumstance. To remain empowered no matter what requires upgrading to a version 2 state. This is the state all great leaders, visionaries and influencers reached. Think Gandhi or Nelson Mandela. They didn’t need more and didn’t need ideal circumstances to remain empowered, fulfilled or full of life. They were empowered no matter what.
It’s about time we make “being happy with less” cooler than “having more”… not just for our own fulfillment but for the sustainability of this planet!
Thanks Andrew. The key here I think is that it doesn’t have to be “happy with less” .. but rather, redefining what “more” actually means. Instead of more crap and stress, it’s about more space and freedom.
Awesome post Greg and Spot On in my opinion. Less is more and SO MUCH better when we “choose consciously.” It’s no accident and certainly no
coincidence that I wrote a newsletter today that aligns and harmonizes
with what you’ve stated here.
Certainly MUCH LESS “stress” which only stems from “a perceived lack” of all the surface level “stuff” including, but not limited to time. It’s amazing how much more “time” we have when we STOP enabling and allowing all the “bullshit” programming and conditioning to lead us to believe that having this “stuff” will “make us more effective and efficient”, lower our “stress levels” and FINALLY provide what so many are “blindly and futilely” looking for, trying so hard to find and DOING more to get. Don’t misunderstand, I LOVE some stuff, but I’ve learned after much “trial and error”, plenty of “stress” and a LOT of “needless pain”, that letting go of the “need” for more stuff, provides us with the “time and more of the stuff” that we really love when we decide to “Keep the main thing the main thing.” It ain’t “stuff”…that’s for sure.
awesome post, and I agree, I stopped accepting random fans a long time ago and I feel a lot better for it.
have an awesome day
Thank you Mr. Habstritt (because we are not friends only acquaintances),
I found this post very timely. I am arranging to have a local organizer come over to help me get rid of stuff, and make the decisions of what to let go of. We have been in our large home 14 years and it has been filling up, although we did raise 3 children here, too. I have been culling from the closets and just this week I went through the sheet sets and blankets, to share with some Siksika folks, who lost everything in the June flood. On the idea of real friends, I was just reading that Jim Rohn said: “Friends are those wonderful people who know all about you and still like you.I used to say of David, one of my very special friends, that if I was stuck in a foreign jail somewhere accused unduly, and if they would allow me one phone call, I would call David. Why? He would come and get me. That’s a friend….If you called a casual friend, they would say “Hey if you get back, call me, we’ll have a party.” So you’ve got to have both, real friends and casual friends.” Let’s all work on deepening a friendship this month. Why not write one a note and say what their friendship means to you? People say all the nice things about others after they die, why don’t we tell them now, while they can appreciate what’s said? May be less depressed people around if we cheered each other on more often.
Brilliant. Concur wholeheartedly! I did a TEDX talk too, on women’s addiction to external beauty….and the stuff we do to compete! “Takes time to compete, appointments all week”. I’m over it, and I wouldn’t normally do this, but bugger it, check it out on http://www.gorgeousrevolution.com. I love the clarity of an uncluttered bathroom, wardrobe, shoe rack and in box. Long live simplicity. Good luck with TEDX, it’s a real privilege to talk to an appreciate audience who are on your side!
Hey Greg, I have no idea who you are or how you got my email address. I normally delete your emails without reading them but not this one. Please email when your TEDtalk is, I do watch them. You are perfectly right ( I don’t do social media anyway) and the information you gave has been said by many insightful persons before. Especially about our kids having far too much and then their concentration shrinks. I have myself to work on but have already started on the kids. They play well together now and have great imaginations. When I 1st got rid of the freeview box (we are in the UK) they played up and said they were bored. They are 3 and 7. After a week they would make up games and play all sorts of madness, which is so funny and brought them closer together. Now I tape the things I would like them to watch, without the adverts; and they have their DVDs. It was hard at 1st as I used it to keep them quiet but the results are so good, I like it this way. This is just one little change I have done. I too have to do the wardrobes and shoes thing. Starting it tonight. No really, I am……….Thank you. I am glad I read this one.
As so many others have already posted, I agree with you, Greg.
I am a packrat at heart. When I decided to simplify my life, it was a deep decision. To make it enjoyable, I started having swap parties. Everyone needed to bring something. If you were already decluttered, you contributed food. Often people found something from the swap to take home but there was always a ton of stuff behind to be donated. When together we swapped stories, often of a personal nature (some of the items brought once had deep personal meanings).
Over time, we all had decluttered homes, which made the swaps less interesting and humorous but through those parties, my friendship
deepened with many people. Decluttering could’ve seemed like a lot of work. Instead, we exchanged laughter, sharing and friendship for more spacious homes.
Yes! I agree! I really don’t do social media – I am a ruthless chucker out and personally am content with music, fresh air and coffee – but…we have SIX children in the school system – who are constantly exposed to “I’m better than you”, “I have more new stuff than you” etc…from peers, tv, Facebook, and a SCHOOL system that is based on a whole bunch of archaic judgments and comparisons, designed to squash individuality and creativity in the name of quantifiability! What do I do??? Our meagre income is swallowed up faster than we can earn it – there is never enough! Everyone wants more and more of US! We would have to be millionaires just to live a “normal life”. So we barter, swap, donate, work for nothing – and spend our lives worrying how to ‘catch up’ let alone get ahead! One person clearing out her house is not enough. We have to stop the greed! And I have no idea how.
Hi Greg, I totally agree! I just started my new twitter account and this time I’m only going to follow people that I know, or have a direct interest in their career path. Following half the celebrities and Gurus on the planet, is a fairly pointless activity. It could also instill feelings of inadequacy in many people already suffering self esteem issues. I’m off now to empty my wardrobe.
All life, is in the moment!
Cheers!
Brendan
Hi Greg, I’ve always enjoyed your posts because you come across as the real deal – so I’m delighted with this. The pressure our kids are under is enormous. They have no other way of understanding how the world works except by the example of their parents, teachers and peers, so it’s up to us to help them get their values straight. I also think the time children spend of social media, video games etc needs to be strictly monitered. It’s not about none at all, it’s surely about balance. And how can we help them if we’ve lost sight of our own need for calm and balance?
Mindlessly following social media, thinking the next self-appointed guru has the answer, in fact, thinking the answer to what’s making us feel bad is out there at all – when all we need is within ourselves – and more potently as a certain Paul McCartney put it ‘love is all you need’. We owe it to ourselves to clear the old beliefs out, clear the clutter and reveal the best of ourselves – then we can really show up for our kids
I came across this post when I was doing a much needed cull of my email list (you’re not going anywhere by the way!) and got delightfully distracted. Really looking forward to your next post, Greg. Thanks again.
Excellent post. Getting rid of things you no longer use is incredibly liberating.
Clothes in particular – I do an 80/20 once a year. If I haven’t worn something in the last year, let’s face it. I’m probably just not going to wear it. Same thing with consumer goods. It’s so easy to sell things on eBay now with the mobile app (which I use extensively). And if you don’t want to deal with it yourself you can use services such as usesold.com (they sell it for you), and shyp.com (they ship it for you). Really, there’s no excuse!
The last time I wore a watch, it didn’t work. The battery was dead, but it made a pretty bracelet. Don’t do much with facebook – not much there to think about. Turned on the tv Friday for the first time since July – didn’t find much worth watching. Haven’t cleaned out my closet cuz I still wear that old stuff – The replacements I’ve purchased seem to need tossing first. Don’t spend more time shopping than I have to.
The clutter keeps leaving, slowly, maybe, but steadily. I’ve missed some self-imposed deadlines, but find it doesn’t matter much; I’ve learned a lot. I’ve taken time to find the “me” under the cheer I put on for others – finding that I really am happy, much less stressed, love what I have, and gaining security in the knowledge that pleasing myself pleases others too. Looking forward to having friends and family here, in person, for my birthday.
Thanks for the great article – I think you’ve touched a truth!
Good One!!! And I got off Facebook for the same reasons you have mentioned in yor post….but got back on just to keep an eye on my family kids to protect them from the harms you have rightly pointed out. I have limited friends, a separate page for family posts, and a separate page for my school friends from whom I parted three decades ago.
We are all Divinely wired for reciprocal interaction. This is our true nature and divine toward self-realization. We call it addiction when we use this inner spiritual gift in destructive ways. It is not the human design that is negative, it is our immature/ignorant use that is inappropriate. CORRECT USE : Getting “addicted” to consciously opening to Inspiration and intuition that satisfies OUR deep persistent urge for more, to know our Real Self– to know our real father/mother and ourselves as Beloved Beings–treat each other as individualizations of God–this is our path…and I have no doubt this spiritual evolution is happening. Now, instead of focusing on the “process” of this evolution, you can focus on the goal. Thanks, Barb
Great post Greg!! Awesome stuff. I actually went through this exercise about a year and a half ago when I decided to move a continent away back to Africa and decided to give away most of what we had accumulated over 15+ years. Was amazed that we had acquired and accumulated an extreme amount of stuff, 80% of which was just collecting dust. So we stuffed about 20+ XL garbage bags of clothes off to Goodwill, probably another 20 we threw out and a truckload of toys, furniture, appliances to Purple Hearts. It was as you say Greg, so very liberating to be freed from the burden of all that stuff!!Thanks for sharing as you always do.
Hi Greg, Your article resonated enormously with me. I haven’t worn a watch in years and recently started deleting ‘friends’ from FB who were often bringing negativity and angst into my day. Most importantly I am suddenly and unexpectedly faced with having to make heart wrenching decisions on how to best tackle the cancer my dog has been diagnosed with. He is my little ray of sunshine, my best little buddy and I don’t want to lose him but lose him I must and I am making the most of every day we have left. I have experienced much loss before but something about this situation has put things into even greater perspective. Perhaps because his life is in my hands and I must make the hard decisions. The result is that I have finally had a massive cleanup and let go of a huge number of things that seemed important for far too many years. As I cleared the clutter and shed emotional ties, I could feel life becoming much simpler, lighter and more energised. Creating empty space literally lets the light in and has allowed me to focus my energy on what matters most to me right now. It’s a wonderful feeling – bittersweet given the situation but wonderful.