really think hard about what matters to them. One of the things I’ve become very passionate about is understanding the underlying reasons that some people are successful and happy, and so many others are not. What I’ve come to realize is the importance of getting clear on what really matters to you personally. If you’re really clear on what it is that matters most, you can tap into that deep emotional connection, and bring absolutely incredible power and courage to your life, allowing you to blow through almost any obstacle. Let me share a story with you to illustrate the point, better than I could ever explain it. Last year in June, I was hosting our annual SimpleWealth Summit, and as we were wrapping up the first evening’s session, I received a call from a friend of mine who had some very sad news. One of our friends, who was married and had 3 beautiful kids, was out on a family holiday in the mountains. Both he and his wife Janice were avid athletes, and she was out on a training ride, preparing for yet another upcoming cycling challenge they she often loved to participate in. She was in the middle of her ride, when a car came out of nowhere, and struck her. She was killed instantly. My friend Cam, back at home with the family, knew something was wrong when she didn’t return on time. He decided to go look for her, and came across the crash scene. When my friend told me what had happened, I fell back into a chair and almost dropped the phone. I couldn’t believe that such tragedy had affected 2 people I had known for so many years, and who had the perfect life and family. My thoughts went immediately to Cam, and how he was going to be able to handle this loss, never mind the reality of raising 3 children on his own (all below the age of 5). At the funeral, Cam ended up being the one with the most grace and calmness in the entire church, and delivered the eulogy for his beloved wife, while his 3 children looked on, not having the ability to understand what had really happened, and what they had lost. I was amazed at Cam’s composure, and how well he held together, when none of us could manage to do that for him, and provide him strength. In talking to him later, what he said was one of the most incredible things I’ve ever heard. He explained that while he was deeply saddened about losing Janice, he didn’t have any regrets. He didn’t feel like he had somehow missed something, and didn’t feel guilty in any sense. What he told me was a wake up call for me — he said that Janice had died doing something that she absolutely loved doing – was passionate about it and loved every moment of it – and that if Janice was going to be taken away, he was glad that it was doing something she loved, and that she lived for. Wow. Talk about powerful. He went to explain that he had nothing to regret, because everything that he and Janice had ever needed to say, was already said. They didn’t harbour negative feelings or let things bottle up. They told each other how they felt, and he didn’t have to regret that he’d never told her how he truly felt about her .. because he did, on a regular bsis. Watching Cam deal with this senseless tragedy was one of the most powerful learning lessons I’ve ever had in my life. Not only was it amazing to see this relationship that was so strong and true, but it demonstrated in a very powerful way why it is so important to get clear on what you truly love .. what truly matters to you .. and then to move into a place where you can enjoy and experience it every day. So, one of the questions that I would ask you is this — if you died today, what regrets would you have? What regrets would those around you have .. conversations that never happened, but should have? Feelings or thoughts you should have shared, but never did? If you have regrets you’d feel if this were your last day, it’s time to recognize them and change it. We all get so caught up in the day to day, taking so many things for granted, and rarely stop and reflect on what we’re truly grateful for. One of the things I realized through this tragic experience is how important it is to TELL the people you love how you feel about them. Every day, no matter what I am doing, I make absolutely 100% sure to tell my wife Raylene how much I love her, and I always make sure that I tell my son Cooper that I love him so much. He may not know what it means yet since he’s not quite 2. But one of my goals in my life is to ensure that not one single day goes by where I do not tell my son how much I love him, and make sure my wife hears my love for her as well. And not one day has passed since Cooper was born where I was with him, and he didn’t hear those words from me. In challenging times, it’s amazing how people really begin to get clear on what really matters, and if you want find some inner strength and courage to deal with challenges and obstacles, there’s no better way to do than get clear on what you’re willing to die for, and how to live your days free of regret. I can’t imagine the pain, sadless and loneliness that Cam must feel now that his love has passed away. But I do know that I’ll forever be grateful to him for demonstrating what love, courage and family is really all about.]]>
4 Responses
I can relate totally. In May 1999, I lost my brother to suicide. I have shared a lot of fun times with my brother as a kid: going on adventures, building cabins in the wood, playing cowboys and spies and as a teenager. We both had motorcycles and rode a lot together. I lost an intimate relationship with him for about 5 years before he died. He became paranoid and schizophrenic. My brother had a daughter, and when I noticed his mental condition, I notified the mother that he should be supervised when he had my niece, who was 3. My brother did not understand, and shunned me for about 5 years. I wrote him letters trying to explain that I loved him and my niece, that he needed help, but to no avail. Years passed. Then, he called once from a mental hospital, and asked me to visit. It was in the spring 1999. There, he cried and apologized for shunning me when I only wanted to protect his daughter, and we hugged and cried and I told him that I loved him and was glad we could be together again.
He died about 3 weeks later. I too, have no regrets. I am sad my niece had to grow up without a dad, but I know that we made peace before he left.
Then a few months later my mom passed of Cancer. Again, I was able to thank her for what she had given me. My courage, my persistence, my love for adventure and nature, my entrepreneurship, and her trust in me. When she died, she died knowing I was grateful to have had her as a mother, and I told her I was really happy I had had her as a mom, and not someone else.
That is so important.
I have two kids now, and both feel free to share with me their pain, their joy and their ordinary things of life. I know if I would died today, they would be sad, but they would have known me and I've knowned them, loved them the best I could. We know each other on a deep level, and that can't be taken away.
I can relate totally. In May 1999, I lost my brother to suicide. I have shared a lot of fun times with my brother as a kid: going on adventures, building cabins in the wood, playing cowboys and spies and as a teenager. We both had motorcycles and rode a lot together. I lost an intimate relationship with him for about 5 years before he died. He became paranoid and schizophrenic. My brother had a daughter, and when I noticed his mental condition, I notified the mother that he should be supervised when he had my niece, who was 3. My brother did not understand, and shunned me for about 5 years. I wrote him letters trying to explain that I loved him and my niece, that he needed help, but to no avail. Years passed. Then, he called once from a mental hospital, and asked me to visit. It was in the spring 1999. There, he cried and apologized for shunning me when I only wanted to protect his daughter, and we hugged and cried and I told him that I loved him and was glad we could be together again.
He died about 3 weeks later. I too, have no regrets. I am sad my niece had to grow up without a dad, but I know that we made peace before he left.
Then a few months later my mom passed of Cancer. Again, I was able to thank her for what she had given me. My courage, my persistence, my love for adventure and nature, my entrepreneurship, and her trust in me. When she died, she died knowing I was grateful to have had her as a mother, and I told her I was really happy I had had her as a mom, and not someone else.
That is so important.
I have two kids now, and both feel free to share with me their pain, their joy and their ordinary things of life. I know if I would died today, they would be sad, but they would have known me and I’ve knowned them, loved them the best I could. We know each other on a deep level, and that can’t be taken away.
Your story brings to mind the conversation between a reverend and a doctor. When asked the reverend observed that he had attended many death beds but he had never heard anyone express the wish that he had spent more time at the office. You are so right we should review what is really important and act accordingly.
Thank you for sharing such a personal story, Greg. The story is not only touching but illustrates the power of clarity and the importance being, “On Purpose,” in life.
Our businesses, our wealth, our relationships… Can only grow to the extent that we do.